Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
