I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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