We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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