I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
