What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize