i don't like sucking hair
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
