she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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