$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
