What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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