somebody snuck up and got me drunk
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
