just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
