And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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