I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
