this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize