I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
