Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
