I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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