I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
We smell like vodka and hangover
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