We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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