I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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