Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
