I accidentally had phone sex last night
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
