I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize