Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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