Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
