She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize