If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
