if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Holy sore nipples Batman
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
