apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
