Me. At least after what I've been through.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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