Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
