you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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