I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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