i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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