A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
no, he came in my armpit
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
