Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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