he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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