Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Sorry about my life...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
