i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Houston, we have a blender
he's gonorrhea incarnate
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
God I need to hump something, right now.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
