I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
