I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
