too bad you live with your parents still
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
