apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
