I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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