We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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