Will you blow on my dice?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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