I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
