I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
