I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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