You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
