I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
