I need help removing her.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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