help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
