I think my fart just growled at me.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
