i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
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Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
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Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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