If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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