I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He's a Shit stain on my heart
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
