I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
