"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
