She's JV to your varsity
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
