Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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