I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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