nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
