Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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