we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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