I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Randomize
