How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
