p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
