Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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