don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Randomize
