She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
