He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
