it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
