Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
