the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We are all done wearing pants today
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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