Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
